day one - check

Well - I made it through the first day. It wasn't the hardest thing in the world, but it wasn't the easiest either. I definitely wanted to text ex back on his "wow" comment, but I was good. Once the afternoon rolled in I started to get really sad and I couldn't help but continue to think about how much I was going to miss him. I know that's normal.. but still got to me.

I forgot to mention one other thing about my love cleanse. I also added another step that Mastin did not sugguest - I deactivated my facebook account. I feel that this is a good choice for me - there are far too many potential negative things for me to see on there. It is tough because I do lean on social interaction for comfort (cough cough codependency), but I just really cannot deal with the thought of seeing anything related to ex right now. I need to completely separate myself from the situation.

In better news, the yoga was nice. It definitely got my mind off of things. This is the video I used.

Yoga for Complete Beginners - Yoga Class 20 Minutes from Yoga Vidya on Vimeo.

It was definitely very very basic, but it was just what I needed to relax and clear my head. I'd definitely recommend it. Hopefully I'll step up to harder videos by the end of the month. Any sugguestions?

Next up is some meditation and then hopefully a good night's sleep.

calm me dowwwwnnnn

Has anyone ever used Bach Rescue Remedy Spray for anxiety?? I've read some good reviews but herbal stuff sketches me out a bit. Looking for somethingg to calm me down..

Experiences?

drama story continued

In addition to all my drama last night - my best friend had a few issues as well. Long story short she saw a text message on his phone from someone who called him "baby". Now this guy sucks, he's put her through tons of nonsense, and it's just a bad situation in my opinion. She and I promised each other last night that we would walk away and be done. We made a plan to go pick up her car from his place in the morning and to drop of the rest of my ex's stuff at his apartment. As I picked her up I knew that she was going to tell me they had talked - because obviously she's my best friend and I know her better than that. Andd I was right. She's taking him back and now I'm on the single ship all by myself. But, what can ya do right?

Anyway, my ex wasn't home (feels weird calling him that..) which was what I had hoped for and I left the bag hanging on his doorknob. I get a text from him this afternoon saying "wow".

Wow WHAT?!? Don't people give back stuff when they break up? Did I do something totally out of line here? He's the one who told me that he was done in the first place. Either way, I didn't answer him. My first encounter with an issue related to the love cleanse and I didn't go off track. I did exercise today as called for. But no yoga or meditation yet. I'll get to that before bed. The sadness is starting to set in - so I'm hoping one of those will help..

last night's drama

I'm figuring since I am using this blog as a cathartic medium while I'm getting over this breakup/journeying on my love cleanse; it might be good to clue you in on what exactly caused all this to happen. Typical drama I'd say. Boy treats girl like shit, girl takes it. Girl is needy, boy isn't at all. Girl is very affectionate, boy avoids affection.

- BTW I do have a habit of swearing soo.. sorry if that offends anyone but um I'm going to try to avoid it. -

This goes back and forth for a while. Because obviously girl loves boy and boy says he loves girl. Not to mention this girl has an enormous issue with change and letting go (hence the outcome of her previous relationships).

Anyway what it all boiled down to was two days of arguing/denial of the fact that the relationship needed to end. Friday night = blow up. We came to some sort of conclusion, but he left off saying that he "probably wasn't going to change" and that things probably wouldn't work.

When we woke up in the morning he was his usual self, gave me a kiss and a hug goodbye when he left for work just like normal. Later that day I looked for comfort - which turned into another argument.

I go out that night to meet up with some friends. Boy said he was going out, but not for long. I text him a few times, but do not hear back from him all night. At the end of the night, my friends coincidentally ask me for a ride home. Now, they live in the same apartment complex as he does. So I have to drive past his apartment to leave - his car is not there. This is not a big deal; I figure he hasn't made it home yet. No sooner than two seconds later do I receive a text that says "I'm hommmmmmmmmmmme". "HMMM.." I say to myself. I proceed to call and inform boy that I know for a fact that he is indeed NOT home. He replies that he is on his way, and he is close. I ask him why he has not contacted me all night. He replies he just didn't feel like it. At this moment I realize that I am done with this nonsense. So.. I hang up the phone. He calls me a few times but I don't pick up. Then I get the voice mail notification "Just so you know I'm done" anndd that's all I head because pressed 77 immediately and deleted the message. Say no more boy, say no more. He calls a few times but I ignore them. I figure if he's going to break up with me in a voice mail well then what else is there really to say? I get one text message saying "Have a nice life. Goodbye" or something to that effect, I'm not really positive as I deleted it immediately.

Now, this may seem harsh right now, because you do not know much background into the relationship. But trust me, this was a long time coming.

WTF?

A little background. I am a 23 (very soon to be 24) year old girl/woman (girl seems to young, but woman makes me feel way too old) from a relatively small town. Here's my situation. I have been in three relationships in my life, all lasting at least two years or longer. I'm fairly positive that none of  them were a normal "healthy" relationship. It has come to my attention that I am the poster child for codependency. I'm pretty sure where it stems from - but that story is for another day. I just (and I do mean JUST, as in last night) had a break up. For the past few months I have been an avid reader of Mastin Kipp's "The Daily Love" (if you haven't checked it out - you NEED to). Mastin recently wrote a few articles for the Huffington Post about his 30 day love cleanse. The second I read it I said to myself - I NEED TO DO THIS. Seeing as I was in a relationship at the time, it would have been a tad tricky to pull off. Now I find myself back on the singles scene again - and this is my chance. Starting today I will remove myself from all things that have to do with love - talking to exes, flirting, hooking up, ANYTHING for 30 days. To learn more about the ins and outs of of this process please check out the third installation of Mastin's article located at http://www.huffingtonpost.com/mastin-kipp/addicted-to-love-part-3-a_b_684113.html

I will post daily about my experiences as I take on this journey. I hope to inspire (or at least entertain).